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Monday, April 20, 2015


Monday, February 23, 2015

Oh, California

I have officially been living in California for 6 months. That's half a year. That is absolutely CRAZY. I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that I live here now. About two weeks ago I moved into an apartment with one of my best friends - Rachael - in Los Angeles and I couldn't be more excited! Although I've got to be honest, living out here is stressful. I constantly feel pressured, I constantly feel like I'm not doing enough (even if I'm working my ass off), and I'm missing the good old days when I didn't have to worry about anything. Now I worry about anything and everything financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, etc. You name it, I'm probably worrying myself over it. Before you say anything - I know, I know. I shouldn't be worrying so much. I'm a human being, I can't help it, unfortunately. Although I do know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel! There always is. That's the one thing I'm hanging onto. I've been working in the studio with a good friend of mine and I'm excited to share it to the world and show you guys what I've got in store! I've also been shooting more often, which is super exciting - once all the photos are finished I will be posting more. If you guys have any suggestions/questions/in need of advice that you want me to write about, feel free to email me and let me know! I am always willing to take in ideas. Other than that, I hope everyone has been enjoying 2015 so far!

Friday, February 20, 2015

it's okay to be human

For those of you who have been keeping up with me for the past few years, you know that I used deal with depression very heavily. During the Winter of 2012, I was even hospitalized due to my depression and the situations I had to deal with at the time. As the years have gone by, I have learned to adapt and overcome my depression. But I still struggled for a long while. After ridding of the heavy cloud that weighed on my shoulders, I was very happy with who I was and what I was doing. But I still caught myself being sad sometimes and I would get mad at myself for being sad. The thing that people fail to realize is that just because you overcome depression, doesn't mean that it's gone for good. In the back of your mind, that sadness still lingers sometimes. It's your job to learn to push it away and come to sense with reality when needed. I still dealt with a lot of terrible and traumatic experiences even after overcoming my depression and it felt like a test of strength. Whether or not I was strong enough to deal with the situations that life was throwing at me, or whether or not I was just going to give up like I tried to in the Winter of 2012. I beat myself up over being sad sometimes for a while after all of that because I had it stuck in my mind that I was supposed to be this beaming light of energy who was consistently happy and that I wasn't allowed to feel anything else but that. And it was all simply out of fear of falling back into my depression. But here is what I've learned - it is absolutely OKAY to be sad sometimes. It is absolutely okay to be sad when you feel like you're not doing enough. It is okay to be sad when the person that you care about hurts you. It is okay to be sad when it's raining and you can't begin to explain why you're sad. You just are. Why do you feel that way? It is because you are human. We all have emotions and we all have our days. Emotions and feelings fluctuate and change a lot depending on the mood that we are in and the things we are surrounded by. Society has either romanticized depression - making it seem like it's a "cool" thing to be depressed and fit in with all the other sad kids. But society is also a hypocrite and makes you feel like if you're too sad all the time, you're desperate for attention and that it's not genuine. Screw what society thinks. What matters is how YOU think and how YOU deal with things. Let yourself be angry. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself be unbelievably happy that everybody around you is so annoyed because you're happy. Let yourself be jealous. Let yourself FEEL. We are all so caught up on not having emotions and caring too much about what others are going to think that we all act like we don't care. But in reality, we all care so much. We care whether or not we want to care. We can't control the way we feel and we can't control what life throws at us. What we can control is our mindset and our thoughts - next time you feel sad, try and remind yourself of the things that make you happy and the things that make you whole. This goes for being angry, jealous, indecisive, selfish, etc. Just remember that you are human and that you are allowed to feel every emotion possible and you should not feel bad about yourself for doing so.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

some fun with sergio and kristen

I had a fun little shoot with my friends Sergio and Kristen the other week and the photos turned out great! I wanted to go out of my comfort zone and do something different with this shoot. More photos from this shoot are being edited and this post will be updated soon!
How cute are we? Check out Kristen's blog here!